Last week started beautifully having coffee with probably the most genuinely kindest individuals I have ever known. It is rare to meet anyone who has a heart of gold rather than the 99% who pretend to do so but occasionally one does surface where despite adversity they try to see the light at the end of the tunnel and by doing so make your life even richer.
Monday, 2 December 2013
Free Food in Costco, An Uncomfortable Zumba Class, My Gift at Plumbing and Flat Batteries
Phew! What a week and the Christmas build-up hasn't even started yet.
Monday, 25 November 2013
Morphing Into A Human, Celebrating A Birthday and Hiding in the Loos at Rugby
Since my youngest has started reception at school allowing a few hours of me time I have suddenly turned into a domestic goddess frightening my husband in the process. This has not entailed me turning into Nigella Lawson, licking chocolate seductively off spoons, no. I have started actually folding clothes from the clothes mountain and more frighteningly, cooking! Not the usual fishfingers with frozen chips and some vegetables to make myself feel good about myself. I have started making soups and casseroles and they don't taste awful.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Being A Governor Means Form Filling, Teasing Makes Me Psychotic & Birthday Chocolates for the Allergic
I have been a parent governor now for just over a year and I am now only starting to actually understand what is going on and how I can be the most useful. I've realised that the way to do this is to fill in lots of forms because the teachers are too busy and get nominated to do a massive fund raiser which involves a lot of headaches, politics and stress.
After brooching the subject with my husband of doing the fund raiser in which he has forbidden me I am now going to do what all good wives do and that is to completely ignore him and do it anyway out of obligation to the school.
After brooching the subject with my husband of doing the fund raiser in which he has forbidden me I am now going to do what all good wives do and that is to completely ignore him and do it anyway out of obligation to the school.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
No one Has Supermarket Etiquette, Being a Bad Mother and The "Breast Is Best" Brigade is Out In Force Again
Being a mummy, my favourite time of the week is Saturday. I enjoy this as I can offload the kids onto my husband whilst I spend quality time to myself. I make any excuse to go out even if it is for just half an hour and have even taken up the exercise to really escape.
Friday, 8 November 2013
November, what a funny month
November for me is a funny month. After the excitement of October where I celebrate my birthday and turn into the Princess I secretly hide 364 days a year, October contains my favourite holiday - Halloween!
Saturday, 2 November 2013
Post Half-Term Stress Disorder and Boiling of the Gym Bunnies
The end of half-term is very similar to that euphoric feeling when you have won something or that nice tingly feeling you get when you have had just enough to drink to make you tipsy but not too much that you feel dizzy and sick.
I am pleased to say that I currently have that nice feeling now that the weekend is here and they are now pestering their daddy. It has been a long week made up of playdates, tennis club, indoor play areas, trick or treating and a day trip to see their daddy at work for lunch. This means he gets the joy of an hour of them being given treats whilst I have to endure the hour and a half journey each way of dirty trains, rude passengers and trying to ensure my children don't catch the Ebola virus due to licking the windows, hand rails and upholstery.
I am pleased to say that I currently have that nice feeling now that the weekend is here and they are now pestering their daddy. It has been a long week made up of playdates, tennis club, indoor play areas, trick or treating and a day trip to see their daddy at work for lunch. This means he gets the joy of an hour of them being given treats whilst I have to endure the hour and a half journey each way of dirty trains, rude passengers and trying to ensure my children don't catch the Ebola virus due to licking the windows, hand rails and upholstery.
Monday, 28 October 2013
"Has it been this long??" And "I hate half terms"
I hang my head in shame! I have not blogged for a while due to actually having a job to do (temporary and now they "don't have the budget for me anymore") and actually having to "parent" rather than just talk about it.
But here we are at the end of 2013 and I have just had my big birthday ... nearly as depressing as the jowls that are starting to form where my cheeks used to be and that stubborn hair that keeps growing every few months on my chin.
But here we are at the end of 2013 and I have just had my big birthday ... nearly as depressing as the jowls that are starting to form where my cheeks used to be and that stubborn hair that keeps growing every few months on my chin.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Swimming, crawling in vomit and an AWOL electrician
Today started as any normal weekday should, the first few hours running around attempting to shower, get dressed and look seemingly human whilst simultaneously ensuring my two sons were doing their usual routine inorder to get them to school and pre-school.
The morning continued in the same vein, doing a drive by at the primary school followed by waiting in the Pre-School corridor for the 9.15am door to open at its usual time of 9.21am.
After the most boring morning at work being designated the shittiest jobs around and picking my son up at 1pm we went to his swimming class.
Today was a special day as son no2 had his new goggles which allowed him to try to drown himself at least 3 times which he found very exciting. The lifeguard or myself not so much, but beggars can't be choosers!
Today was particularly important as my useless in-laws were going to "help" me in the afternoon and evening - an arrangement that had been made around the same time as the Magna Carta - as I needed to help a friend during my youngest bed time.
But no, with five minutes to go I got a phone call from the in-laws to say that the electrician had come unexpectedly and had popped out for "two minutes" about an hour ago and had left all his "gear" in the flat.
To stall things I decided to let my youngest go in the indoor play. After five minutes Son No2 came out with a very funny smell and "stuff" on his trousers. "Mummy, I've crawled through someone's sick". Had he been sick, no his face was clean but his trousers - dear god! Have you ever had to use bog roll to clean someone else's vomit off your trousers - it isn't easy. At least the mums in the indoor play were sympathetic and looked at Son No2 like the devil and proceeded to tell me that their little darlings hadn't thrown up. I prayed silently that the boy in the ball pool currently chucking his guts up would come out covered in his own disgusting vomit and smear it on said mother!!
Having to then go straight to the useless in-law's flat, we waited for the electrician who had gone AWOL.
The dopey electrician finally came back fixed the problem ... at least we think he did, we won't apparently know until midnight "when the light will come on". My mother-in-law was ecstatic.
Back at home I had to prepare Son No2 for bed and make supper which would cook whilst I rushed out for half an hour to help my friend and pick up Son No1.
On strict instructions to turn off the hob when the buzzer went but keep on the oven, I came home to the hob burning the vegetables whilst the chicken was un-cooking itself in the cold oven which had been turned off.
Sheesh - what a day. Serves me right for needing the in-laws help - next time I'll use a complete stranger!
The morning continued in the same vein, doing a drive by at the primary school followed by waiting in the Pre-School corridor for the 9.15am door to open at its usual time of 9.21am.
After the most boring morning at work being designated the shittiest jobs around and picking my son up at 1pm we went to his swimming class.
Today was a special day as son no2 had his new goggles which allowed him to try to drown himself at least 3 times which he found very exciting. The lifeguard or myself not so much, but beggars can't be choosers!
Today was particularly important as my useless in-laws were going to "help" me in the afternoon and evening - an arrangement that had been made around the same time as the Magna Carta - as I needed to help a friend during my youngest bed time.
But no, with five minutes to go I got a phone call from the in-laws to say that the electrician had come unexpectedly and had popped out for "two minutes" about an hour ago and had left all his "gear" in the flat.
To stall things I decided to let my youngest go in the indoor play. After five minutes Son No2 came out with a very funny smell and "stuff" on his trousers. "Mummy, I've crawled through someone's sick". Had he been sick, no his face was clean but his trousers - dear god! Have you ever had to use bog roll to clean someone else's vomit off your trousers - it isn't easy. At least the mums in the indoor play were sympathetic and looked at Son No2 like the devil and proceeded to tell me that their little darlings hadn't thrown up. I prayed silently that the boy in the ball pool currently chucking his guts up would come out covered in his own disgusting vomit and smear it on said mother!!
Having to then go straight to the useless in-law's flat, we waited for the electrician who had gone AWOL.
The dopey electrician finally came back fixed the problem ... at least we think he did, we won't apparently know until midnight "when the light will come on". My mother-in-law was ecstatic.
Back at home I had to prepare Son No2 for bed and make supper which would cook whilst I rushed out for half an hour to help my friend and pick up Son No1.
On strict instructions to turn off the hob when the buzzer went but keep on the oven, I came home to the hob burning the vegetables whilst the chicken was un-cooking itself in the cold oven which had been turned off.
Sheesh - what a day. Serves me right for needing the in-laws help - next time I'll use a complete stranger!
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
Pre-School Birthday Parties - YUK
Saturday I was forced to go to yet another pre-school party which included the usual key ingredients:
Also there seems to be a trend at the moment not to provide decent nourishment to children such as vegetables or juice. Now it is the thing to give them jam sandwiches, crisps and chocolate as a staple lunch whilst making sure the parents get nothing except for a breadstick and water (sparkling of course). I wouldn't mind but the party was from 12 to 2pm so over the lunch period.
Don't get me wrong (I know I sound so up myself), at my son's party they had pizza but at least there was carrot, tomatoes and cucumber for them to ignore at leisure.
I have decided to go to the next party in a cocktail dress and demand champagne, it may start a trend!
- Mums dolled up to the nines trying to outdo eachother in their war paint and heels department
- An entertainer who seemed to believe 4 year olds are very deaf so needed her mic up to 450 decibels inorder to either make their ears bleed or other kids cry
- A lot of 4 year old children running around on sugar, loud entertainment and S Club Seven (the last of which I am happy to dance to)
Also there seems to be a trend at the moment not to provide decent nourishment to children such as vegetables or juice. Now it is the thing to give them jam sandwiches, crisps and chocolate as a staple lunch whilst making sure the parents get nothing except for a breadstick and water (sparkling of course). I wouldn't mind but the party was from 12 to 2pm so over the lunch period.
Don't get me wrong (I know I sound so up myself), at my son's party they had pizza but at least there was carrot, tomatoes and cucumber for them to ignore at leisure.
I have decided to go to the next party in a cocktail dress and demand champagne, it may start a trend!
Wednesday 13th Feb - Class Reps AKA Bored Mums AKA Control Freaks
Why would any mum be a class rep?
The job isn't paid, involves trying to pass on valuable information, arrange social events, drum up support for the bloody cake sale and listen to other mums bitching about how they would have done a better job but not actually do it!
I steer clear of my class reps as one is a dodgy geezer bird with an even dodgier geezer "been nicked a few times" husband and the other is a frightening school mum who garners fear wherever she treads - she is also the Pre-School class rep so is obviously a bored housewife and control freak.
This week we have a class rep meeting with the Headmistress and me as Parent Gov'nor.
The headteacher had asked me to write a formal class rep "job spec" as all hell was breaking lose in the school so I thought this would bring harmony. So instead of an anarchistic approach, which has been the norm until now, I opted for a structure of Social class rep and organisation class rep.
I might as well have put on paper that I wanted all class reps dead and their children eaten by a monster.
"We like it as it is" Translation: We like anarchy and doing what the hell we want
"This is too formal" Translation: Because structuring an important role will mean I actually have to do some proper thinking
"Why arrange social things for the class" Translation: I have my clicky group in my class of nasty bitches and we like excluding people.
On the whole it went down quite well considering.
The job isn't paid, involves trying to pass on valuable information, arrange social events, drum up support for the bloody cake sale and listen to other mums bitching about how they would have done a better job but not actually do it!
I steer clear of my class reps as one is a dodgy geezer bird with an even dodgier geezer "been nicked a few times" husband and the other is a frightening school mum who garners fear wherever she treads - she is also the Pre-School class rep so is obviously a bored housewife and control freak.
This week we have a class rep meeting with the Headmistress and me as Parent Gov'nor.
The headteacher had asked me to write a formal class rep "job spec" as all hell was breaking lose in the school so I thought this would bring harmony. So instead of an anarchistic approach, which has been the norm until now, I opted for a structure of Social class rep and organisation class rep.
I might as well have put on paper that I wanted all class reps dead and their children eaten by a monster.
"We like it as it is" Translation: We like anarchy and doing what the hell we want
"This is too formal" Translation: Because structuring an important role will mean I actually have to do some proper thinking
"Why arrange social things for the class" Translation: I have my clicky group in my class of nasty bitches and we like excluding people.
On the whole it went down quite well considering.
Monday 11th February - I am the Guv'nor Which Apparantly Requires Diplomacy
After a typical Monday, stressful morning getting the kids ready for school, working in the morning, stressing out in the afternoon with my 4 year old after pre-school pick up, it was time for school pick up.
But this year my normal pick up is considerably different to the past three years due to nominating myself as a Parent Governor and actually being voted in to do it.
Now this is not a compliment or testament to my fabulous diplomacy (I don't have any), my desire about politics and current affairs (which I do have) or being really liked by the parents at the school (they don't), it's purely because no other mug would do the bloody job!!
On this typical cold Monday 2 parents from Year 5 approached me with a problem and this was it ...
They have tried very hard to arrange a meeting as their daughters are going to a mosque as part of their RE education and they are very very unhappy that their daughters have to cover their heads and are will not allow this to happen.
Now before you gape in astonishment (which i managed not to do but furrowed my brow and looked un-flabbergasted)
They pointed out to me:
I remained very diplomatic, didn't state the bloody obvious and just suggested they note down their issues, arrange a meeting and minute it all to ensure it is all addressed.
I didn't shout "My GOD, you cannot honestly believe what you are saying! I hope you are not poisoning your children with your "non-racist" views!!"
Maybe I am diplomatic afterall.
And for the record, when my son visits the Mosque he will do as is required of him. When in Rome, do as the Romans do whether you like it or not!
But this year my normal pick up is considerably different to the past three years due to nominating myself as a Parent Governor and actually being voted in to do it.
Now this is not a compliment or testament to my fabulous diplomacy (I don't have any), my desire about politics and current affairs (which I do have) or being really liked by the parents at the school (they don't), it's purely because no other mug would do the bloody job!!
On this typical cold Monday 2 parents from Year 5 approached me with a problem and this was it ...
They have tried very hard to arrange a meeting as their daughters are going to a mosque as part of their RE education and they are very very unhappy that their daughters have to cover their heads and are will not allow this to happen.
Now before you gape in astonishment (which i managed not to do but furrowed my brow and looked un-flabbergasted)
They pointed out to me:
- they are not racist and are "fine" with their children going to a Mosque (they are racist and they are not fine)
- they fully embrace all religions and have the utmost respect for all races/religions/colour etc etc (they don't)
- they are happy for their daughters to go to a mosque on the condition they do not have to cover their heads (they are not happy about it and do not respect other cultures)
I remained very diplomatic, didn't state the bloody obvious and just suggested they note down their issues, arrange a meeting and minute it all to ensure it is all addressed.
I didn't shout "My GOD, you cannot honestly believe what you are saying! I hope you are not poisoning your children with your "non-racist" views!!"
Maybe I am diplomatic afterall.
And for the record, when my son visits the Mosque he will do as is required of him. When in Rome, do as the Romans do whether you like it or not!
Monday, 28 January 2013
Getting to the NITty Gritty !!
I have been absent for a while haven't I!
I apologise. I was going to write a short piece on why I have been off for a year and what I have been up to but as I am "itching" to discuss nits here is my year in summary:
However onto more grave matters ... not the nits per say, but the bloody mums who act like they are the plague and if they get wind of it in the school all hell breaks lose.
At 6pm today I got a text which stated - "Hi ladies, its xxx here. not a very nice subject, please could you check your children's hair. I have found some nits in xxx hair. I have cleaned it with nitty gritty comb and put some treatment on her. I have checked for 2 days in a row, she doesn't have it now. I don't know who she picked it up from, someone in the class is spreading it. I've changed all bed sheets and covers, washed all her clothes. I am just hoping we can stop this from spreading and I am going to ask the headteacher to put it in the news letter as well. X"
This is the text verbatim. For goodness sakes, it would be easier to change the nits word to syphilis or the plague.
Before you all accuse me of being facile about this, I am not and get quite irritated when I am having to comb my sons and I for the umpteenth time to get rid of the little blighters, however I see this as part and parcel of school life. It is quite yukky but it is also something that happens that you deal with as and when it arises as well as keeping their hair short and doing regular treatments "just in case" I do not like my sons getting it and have every lotion and potion under the sun, but until they start work after university I accept that this goes with the territory.
So let's now break down this text into what it is really saying:
"Hi ladies, its xxx here. not a very nice subject, please could you check your children's hair. I have found some nits in xxx hair." - HELLO MUMS, I AM GOING TO MENTION SOMETHING VERY GRAVE WHICH COULD ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS LIKE BULLYING OR SOMETHING ELSE VERY IMPORTANT SO LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. YOUR CHILDREN ARE POTENTIALLY SCABBY AND HAVE HAD THE AUDACITY TO PUT NITS - YES THAT'S RIGHT, NITS - INTO MY LITTLE ANGEL'S BEAUTIFUL AND NORMALLY PERFECT HAIR
"I have cleaned it with nitty gritty comb and put some treatment on her. I have checked for 2 days in a row, she doesn't have it now. " - I HAVE BEEN ENDORSED BY A COMPANY NITTY GRITTY AND HAVE CLEANED MY CHILD AS ANY PERFECT PARENT SHOULD. AFTER DIPPING HER IN SULFURIC ACID AND ALLOWING HER INTO THIS DISEASE RIDDEN SCHOOL I HAVE MANAGED TO STAVE OFF THE DISEASES YOUR CHILDREN HAVE AND I WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY
" I don't know who she picked it up from, someone in the class is spreading it" - I BET IT WAS YOU, IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND IF IT WASN'T YOU THEN SOME OTHER DISGUSTING CHILD IN MY CLASS IS AND THEY NEED TO BE DEALT WITH HARSHLY
"I've changed all bed sheets and covers, washed all her clothes." - I HAVE LOTS OF TIME ON MY HANDS AND HAVE SPENT IT DISINFECTING THE ENTIRE HOUSE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT PERFECT MOTHERS DO. ALTHOUGH SHOULD I ALSO BURN THE CONTENTS OF THE HOUSE AS WELL ??
"I am just hoping we can stop this from spreading and I am going to ask the headteacher to put it in the news letter as well. X" - SO DISINFECT YOUR CHILD IN A SPECIAL CHEMICAL DIP AND IF YOU DON'T YOU ARE VERY VERY BAD AND DISEASE RIDDEN. DEAR GOD, WE NEED TO STOP THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE. I HAVE ALSO TOLD ON YOU TO THE HEADMISTRESS WHO WILL SHAME THE CLASS/SCHOOL INTO FEELING UNCLEAN. kiss kiss.
So there you have it, my take on nits. Or perhaps I am being a little relaxed in my approach - what do you think??
I apologise. I was going to write a short piece on why I have been off for a year and what I have been up to but as I am "itching" to discuss nits here is my year in summary:
- i got a part time job which takes up all my time outside of the kids
- the kids take up all my time outside of my part time job
- the olympics were great fun
- we enjoyed the Queen's jubilee
However onto more grave matters ... not the nits per say, but the bloody mums who act like they are the plague and if they get wind of it in the school all hell breaks lose.
At 6pm today I got a text which stated - "Hi ladies, its xxx here. not a very nice subject, please could you check your children's hair. I have found some nits in xxx hair. I have cleaned it with nitty gritty comb and put some treatment on her. I have checked for 2 days in a row, she doesn't have it now. I don't know who she picked it up from, someone in the class is spreading it. I've changed all bed sheets and covers, washed all her clothes. I am just hoping we can stop this from spreading and I am going to ask the headteacher to put it in the news letter as well. X"
This is the text verbatim. For goodness sakes, it would be easier to change the nits word to syphilis or the plague.
Before you all accuse me of being facile about this, I am not and get quite irritated when I am having to comb my sons and I for the umpteenth time to get rid of the little blighters, however I see this as part and parcel of school life. It is quite yukky but it is also something that happens that you deal with as and when it arises as well as keeping their hair short and doing regular treatments "just in case" I do not like my sons getting it and have every lotion and potion under the sun, but until they start work after university I accept that this goes with the territory.
So let's now break down this text into what it is really saying:
"Hi ladies, its xxx here. not a very nice subject, please could you check your children's hair. I have found some nits in xxx hair." - HELLO MUMS, I AM GOING TO MENTION SOMETHING VERY GRAVE WHICH COULD ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS LIKE BULLYING OR SOMETHING ELSE VERY IMPORTANT SO LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. YOUR CHILDREN ARE POTENTIALLY SCABBY AND HAVE HAD THE AUDACITY TO PUT NITS - YES THAT'S RIGHT, NITS - INTO MY LITTLE ANGEL'S BEAUTIFUL AND NORMALLY PERFECT HAIR
"I have cleaned it with nitty gritty comb and put some treatment on her. I have checked for 2 days in a row, she doesn't have it now. " - I HAVE BEEN ENDORSED BY A COMPANY NITTY GRITTY AND HAVE CLEANED MY CHILD AS ANY PERFECT PARENT SHOULD. AFTER DIPPING HER IN SULFURIC ACID AND ALLOWING HER INTO THIS DISEASE RIDDEN SCHOOL I HAVE MANAGED TO STAVE OFF THE DISEASES YOUR CHILDREN HAVE AND I WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY
" I don't know who she picked it up from, someone in the class is spreading it" - I BET IT WAS YOU, IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND IF IT WASN'T YOU THEN SOME OTHER DISGUSTING CHILD IN MY CLASS IS AND THEY NEED TO BE DEALT WITH HARSHLY
"I've changed all bed sheets and covers, washed all her clothes." - I HAVE LOTS OF TIME ON MY HANDS AND HAVE SPENT IT DISINFECTING THE ENTIRE HOUSE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT PERFECT MOTHERS DO. ALTHOUGH SHOULD I ALSO BURN THE CONTENTS OF THE HOUSE AS WELL ??
"I am just hoping we can stop this from spreading and I am going to ask the headteacher to put it in the news letter as well. X" - SO DISINFECT YOUR CHILD IN A SPECIAL CHEMICAL DIP AND IF YOU DON'T YOU ARE VERY VERY BAD AND DISEASE RIDDEN. DEAR GOD, WE NEED TO STOP THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE. I HAVE ALSO TOLD ON YOU TO THE HEADMISTRESS WHO WILL SHAME THE CLASS/SCHOOL INTO FEELING UNCLEAN. kiss kiss.
So there you have it, my take on nits. Or perhaps I am being a little relaxed in my approach - what do you think??
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Two pre-school parties and one epiphany !
Saturday 21 and Sunday 22nd January 2012
This weekend I have been
blessed to be invited to two pre-school parties, or are they toddler/tweenie
parties if you are three years old?
Anyway, I am not a huge fan
of these parties as they often involve two things I find frustrating:
1.
Lots of hyped up children on sweets and
over-tiredness running around like nutters
2.
Lots of parents (normally mums) looking
coiffured to within an inch of their lives tottering on exceptionally high
heels and complaining about their latest nanny only working 12 hour days rather
than the hoped for 15
On both counts I get jaw
ache from clenching my teeth too much and forcing an inane smile.
At the first party I was
feeling particularly savvy as I constantly offered to help the birthday boy’s
harassed mother who was eternally grateful whilst giving me the opportunity to
ignore the parents and their conversations about the latest Lipsy design. The only time I had to converse with them was
to offer tea and coffee and found it delightful that I was delegated as the
“help” and therefore not worthy of conversation, although through my glee I
felt a pang of sadness for the real “help” who are probably treated like a
sub-class human being.
This particular party had
the parents decide to entertain the kids themselves by dressing as Power
Rangers. The poor dad was drenched in
sweat and was getting sick of being kicked in the shins. I do hope he didn’t end up with shin
splinters, a very painful experience.
After two hours of dancing,
eating and general mayhem the kids came away suitably hyper and I felt I had
managed to dodge the superficial conversations.
Of course the second party
the next day proved to be harder.
This time I managed to
persuade (force) my husband to attend which I thought would stand me in good
stead as a guaranteed conversation for the two required hours of fun, but
no.
Even my husband was aghast
at the conversations between the parents.
An actual conversation went like this:
Mum no 1 is standing with
her son who had an alice band in his hair in a beckham style
Mum no 2 comes over: “oh my
goodness, your son looks AMAAAAZING like that.
Did you have that alice band designed for him?”
Mum no 1 looking very
pleased with herself: “Oh no, this is my hair band but I wanted him to look
like <insert name of pathetic footballer>”
Mum no 2: “Wow, he looks
faaaabulous, I must start doing this.”
It would be funny if it
wasn’t true, sadly it was!
But despite the fact I
detest these parties and despite the fact I despise going, seeing my sons’
faces at them lights up my heart. I
would walk through glass if it made them happy and do you know what it probably
would.
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Out and about with the famous & In and around with the commoners
Monday 19th September
It has come to my attention that I live in an area where chatting to the A listers is par for the course.
My day started out like any other Monday, dropping my eldest at school whilst being ignored by the various bitchy mums, popping home to finish clearing up with the help of my 2 year old (no breakages) and being very angry at my broken television.
After clearing away the morning rush I took my son to a toddler gym activity that he goes to every week and was surprised to see quite a few children had joined the class. This immediately put my nose out of joint due to the fact my child is normally spoilt for attention. But I needn't have worried. He was pulling his usual faces and running around like a child on amphetamines. I was so proud. Not so proud of a new trick he has where he pulls up his eyebrows whilst saying "look Japanese". I wonder how long it will be before he is put on the young racist lists that the Government have so helpfully created.
After lunch and a chance to sit in the lounge watching Something Special on my laptop I picked my eldest son up from school.
After getting changed I dropped him off at tennis to find myself confronted by a very famous singer who was also taking her son to tennis. I am pleased to say I managed to somehow annoy her by breathing and tried in vain to be friendly to redress this issue. By doing so I managed to look like a groupie desperate for her to acknowledge my presence. Nice!
At least my email to a Z-list reality celeb and fellow school parent went down well. I was asking him to attend a Fund Raiser I am holding next year.
Speaking to a friend whilst my eldest played tennis, we realised we must live in "Mount Pleasant" where your neighbour is a singer, your school friend is a footballer, a parent is a Z-list celeb and the local rugby coach is an ex-England player. Definitely another dimension.
Tuesday 20th September
Its funny how one day you are chatting with the creme de la creme, and the next you are waiting in for a brick layer who has decided not to turn up and a tv repair man who is refusing to give me a time any more accurate than between 9am and 5pm.
At 12pm, the TV repair man arrived with his henchmen and proceeded to whistle through his teeth (a sure sign of being ripped off) and wouldn't commit to a further delivery date. Do you think he is going to steal my TV?
After my run in with the TV repair thief I briefly had lunch followed by a short argument with my husband regarding getting a job or working from home ... ideally that pays.
Oh, the joys of real life only occasionally impaired by my fleeting life as a housewife who rubs shoulders with the elite.
It has come to my attention that I live in an area where chatting to the A listers is par for the course.
My day started out like any other Monday, dropping my eldest at school whilst being ignored by the various bitchy mums, popping home to finish clearing up with the help of my 2 year old (no breakages) and being very angry at my broken television.
After clearing away the morning rush I took my son to a toddler gym activity that he goes to every week and was surprised to see quite a few children had joined the class. This immediately put my nose out of joint due to the fact my child is normally spoilt for attention. But I needn't have worried. He was pulling his usual faces and running around like a child on amphetamines. I was so proud. Not so proud of a new trick he has where he pulls up his eyebrows whilst saying "look Japanese". I wonder how long it will be before he is put on the young racist lists that the Government have so helpfully created.
After lunch and a chance to sit in the lounge watching Something Special on my laptop I picked my eldest son up from school.
After getting changed I dropped him off at tennis to find myself confronted by a very famous singer who was also taking her son to tennis. I am pleased to say I managed to somehow annoy her by breathing and tried in vain to be friendly to redress this issue. By doing so I managed to look like a groupie desperate for her to acknowledge my presence. Nice!
At least my email to a Z-list reality celeb and fellow school parent went down well. I was asking him to attend a Fund Raiser I am holding next year.
Speaking to a friend whilst my eldest played tennis, we realised we must live in "Mount Pleasant" where your neighbour is a singer, your school friend is a footballer, a parent is a Z-list celeb and the local rugby coach is an ex-England player. Definitely another dimension.
Tuesday 20th September
Its funny how one day you are chatting with the creme de la creme, and the next you are waiting in for a brick layer who has decided not to turn up and a tv repair man who is refusing to give me a time any more accurate than between 9am and 5pm.
At 12pm, the TV repair man arrived with his henchmen and proceeded to whistle through his teeth (a sure sign of being ripped off) and wouldn't commit to a further delivery date. Do you think he is going to steal my TV?
After my run in with the TV repair thief I briefly had lunch followed by a short argument with my husband regarding getting a job or working from home ... ideally that pays.
Oh, the joys of real life only occasionally impaired by my fleeting life as a housewife who rubs shoulders with the elite.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
April - The Chocolate Drug and Being a Royal Observer
Thursday 21 April – Maundy Thursday
Half Term is a funny thing. Once your kids stop their regular activities it gives the body time to adjust and get very very ill. In my eldest son’s case it is Gastro Enteritis which involves an initial house decoration of vomit and poo followed by more poo and lots of sleep.
Poor thing and to make it harder my youngest is now getting cabin fever and has started to climb the walls, or more specifically me.
Roll on the end of May when I am sunning it in the Med whilst my husband has to run rings around the kids ... ah bliss!
Friday 22 April – Good Friday
Finally my prison sentence has been lifted and my parole officer, Mr Kingston, is off work for a long weekend.
At the same time my eldest is now started to improve. I just hope he is well enough for Sunday, the biggest day of his life so far and ours for that matter.
Sunday 24 April – Easter Sunday
Today is a very important day in the Kingston household. Aside from giving my children chocolate poisoning from overeating but my eldest is going to be a mascot at the Saracen’s Rugby Game and will play rugby on the pitch at half time.
At the match the sun was shining and my husband was so proud I thought he was going to have a hernia.
I, of course, was my usual competitive mum screaming from the terraces and watched my son score a couple of cracking tries.
When they came off the pitch I demanded to know the score and then smugly looked on at the 10,000 strong crowd as if to say “Look at my fantastic son”.
I must have taken about 1000 photos to bore people with over the next few days.
Monday 25th April – Easter Monday
Woken at 5.45am by my youngest. This as it turns out in the following days is a lie in. But today this was a killer.
Got woken up again at 6.15am by my eldest saying he wants to do the easter egg hunt straight away.
After forcing my kids to have breakfast whilst i walked outside in my dressing gown and slippers feeling the 6.45am sunshine I managed to hide all the small eggs in the garden.
By 7.21am all the eggs were discovered and the kids were egg-static (sorry couldn’t help it!)
Within another 10 minutes they found the huge easter eggs my sister had left for them which they proceeded to open.
By 8am the kids were on the biggest sugar rush of the century. They would have been less active had I given them a Class A drug.
By 8.15am Mr Kingston and I were regretting the sugar rush and were praying for the day to end.
It didn’t until 14 hours later when we were nicely tucked up in bed waiting for our early morning wake up.
Friday 29th April – Royal Wedding
I have been so excited about the wedding, you’d think I was a guest or even the bridesmaid.
My invitations had gone out specifically telling everyone to dress in red, white and blue. The BBQ was cleaned. The food was prepared. The alcohol was plentiful. Most importantly the bunting was up and the flags ready for waving.
As my guests arrived they congratulated me on my beautiful tiara and we waved our flags as we watched the procession of people arrive.
Obviously I was so jealous of Kate. How dare she live the dream that millions of us have only imagined.
The dress was stunning, Pippa very graceful and the Abbey beautiful.
After waving our flags and singing the National Anthem we ate our food and drank copious amounts of liquid.
And best of all, I was voted the most regal one at the party, obviously!
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Leapfrog Maths Adventure to the Moon DVD
Maths is very popular in my house. I have a husband with a Masters in mathematics, a six year old who is very keen on multiplication and a two year old who can count up to 14, albeit skipping seven on a regular basis.
I have always tried to make learning fun at home which is not always easy. With the television, computer and the wii to contend with just trying to get my family's attention is a triumph.
So I was ecstatic to be given a maths DVD for pre-schoolers to review. Happy but skeptical.
But it seems my skepticism is unfounded.
Both my two and six year olds were glued to the television, watching Leapfrog and his friend Lilly fly a rocket to the moon, reach the stars and meet fun aliens. All this and on the way they sang songs about counting, skipping numbers and sorting colours and shapes.
My six year old predictably narrated his mathematical prowess during the 30 minute film but I was very pleased to see my two year old engaged in the DVD, not only showing interest but trying to count on his fingers. And together we shouted the colours when we saw them.
The DVD also offered the chance to watch the film with the lyrics so we could sing to our hearts content.
Whenever you are stuck for ideas to entertain the kids whilst secretly educating them I would highly recommend this DVD.
It will keep the whole family entertained.
To be in with a chance to win one of three DVDs before it's official release on 9th May just answer this question:
What is the name of Leapfrog's friend. Is it:
A) Lilly
B) Billy
C) Dilly
I have always tried to make learning fun at home which is not always easy. With the television, computer and the wii to contend with just trying to get my family's attention is a triumph.
So I was ecstatic to be given a maths DVD for pre-schoolers to review. Happy but skeptical.
But it seems my skepticism is unfounded.
Both my two and six year olds were glued to the television, watching Leapfrog and his friend Lilly fly a rocket to the moon, reach the stars and meet fun aliens. All this and on the way they sang songs about counting, skipping numbers and sorting colours and shapes.
My six year old predictably narrated his mathematical prowess during the 30 minute film but I was very pleased to see my two year old engaged in the DVD, not only showing interest but trying to count on his fingers. And together we shouted the colours when we saw them.
The DVD also offered the chance to watch the film with the lyrics so we could sing to our hearts content.
Whenever you are stuck for ideas to entertain the kids whilst secretly educating them I would highly recommend this DVD.
It will keep the whole family entertained.
To be in with a chance to win one of three DVDs before it's official release on 9th May just answer this question:
What is the name of Leapfrog's friend. Is it:
A) Lilly
B) Billy
C) Dilly
Monday, 18 April 2011
Talking of poo has got me reminiscing ...
Talking about vomit and poo has got me reminiscing about the good old days when my eldest, now six, was very young and my husband and I had our first "poo conversation".
We've all been there. young, free and single and a married friend with a new baby starts to talk incessantly about the bowel movements of her little darling. It is then we vow never to have this discussion. But like all parents vowing never to sound like their sad friends, or worse, their own parents, out it comes, the "poo conversation".
First you talk to each other over a glass of wine and a curry about how proud you were the first time your little one pooed real poo rather than that nasty meconium, then you move onto your friends who are forced to hear about the contents of your little one's nappy.
And to make matters worse, you don't care that your friends are screwing their faces up and turning away. In fact not only do you not care, but how very dare they imply your child's poo is anything other than wonderful when it should be perceived as gold nuggets.
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Man-flu, a son with real sickness and a wasted week
Saturday 17th and Sunday 18th April
Monday, 11 April 2011
A reptile, a car washer, lots of vomit and 2 horses "lying very still"
Saturday 9th April
Today has been a very surreal day. It started off as a normal Saturday, home-made pancakes followed by Mr Kingston taking the youngest swimming whilst I took my eldest to Kumon.
After rushing to a birthday party the kids enjoyed arts and crafts followed by lunch and football in the garden.
After the party we walked home bumping into the local car washer who discussed which football star has moved in where. I didn’t recognise a single name but my son got very excited.
After the nice walk we decided to go garden furniture hunting and drove to the local garden centres. A great strip of road with garden centres, aquariums, pet shops and a reptile house.
So after looking at a dozen garden tables we bought the children a “99” each at £1.50 and walked to the reptile house. At this point our youngest didn’t want the ice-cream and alarm bells should have rung then. But we put it down to tiredness.
Going into the reptile house my eldest and I stood outside with our ice-creams but the owner ushered us in saying it was not a problem but not to spill it on the floor. “No problem” we said.
My youngest squealed with delight at the snakes, chameleons, tarantulas and lizards until he threw up all over the shop floor not once, not twice but three times. Poor thing was so sick and cried his eyes out.
My husband and I came to his rescue immediately and after offering to clear the mess off the floor, which they said they would sort out, we left the shop and drove home.
Taking the kids home and putting our little one to bed to rest we watched the Grand National, a great tradition in our home.
It proved difficult to lie to a six year old about the two dead horses when explaining why the jockeys were riding around Beechers Brook and the Chair. He bought it, phew!
What will tomorrow bring?
Saturday, 9 April 2011
I got an award from a fellow blogger ... how lucky am I
A brilliant blogger has decided to give me The Versatile Blogger award ... you can catch her on http://wouldliketobeayummymummy.blogspot.com/ ... a must read
Now, this is the science bit ...
Here are the rules:
1* Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post
2* Tell us 7 things about yourself
3* Award 15 recently discovered new blogger
4* Contact these bloggers to let them know they've received the award
- I like to go under a pseudonym sometimes ... sssshhhhhh
- I have so little time to blog when I eventually get one out I feel very smug
- I love chinese food and salt popcorn
- My favourite films and tv are sci-fi
- I have a very wicked sense of humour ... which sometimes gets me in all sorts of trouble
- My husband has competed in a natural body building championships UK and will kill me for saying this ... so I'll mention he also has an MSc in Financial Mathematics
- People think I am cleverer than I am
All worthy of this award and all brilliant blogs xxx
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