A fun run, a grumpy Smartie Artie, terrible Buzz Lightyear and a shockingly nice reality TV star

Saturday 26^th March

Today I attended the local church Fun Run to raise money for their centenary.  This was also a chance to show off our proposed new community playground for the local area whilst drumming up support.

There was the obligatory C-list celebrity, the local MP and lots of kids and elderly people ready for the one mile run.

During the registration we were showing our plans when a man got really annoyed that we were using up more space on the common where he normally walks the dog.  It is worth pointing out at this point the common is over two acres of land and we are proposing to take about half an acre.  I appeased him by pointing out that the wayward children would be penned in the playground allowing his mutt full reign to poo anywhere he wanted.  The stupid idiot bought this and didn’t see the irony in my comments.

After the fun run we dragged ourselves to a friend’s 4^th birthday party where the Smartie Artie had obviously had a massive row with his partner and was taking it out on the kids.  He was in a foul mood and managed to make the birthday boy cry.  He was a right miserable bastard.

Sunday 27^th March

I thought yesterday’s party entertainer was bad.  He may have been a moody bastard but compared to today’s car crash he should have been up for entertainer of the year.  Today’s debacle was a young man dressed as Buzz Lightyear ... badly.  He was sweating profusely and his arsenal of entertainment equipment included a big tub of sweets and a small stereo.

He had obviously been on the lash the night before and spoke very quietly as one would after a heavy night of drinking.