Friday, 18 March 2011
A shed, a Kev, a luxury and a chav
Thursday 17th March
Today has been a surreal day. It started like any other Thursday with my regular workout at the disease infested indoor play where I was, as always, confronted by lazy parents drinking their cup-of-chinos and others who were very annoyed at my youngest son bumping them on the bumper cars.
Arriving home with a catatonic toddler enjoying his nap, I bought my first shed. This was an enlightening experience but I am now fully versed in all things shed-like. I can tell an apex from a pent and a superior to a classic. I can even tell you whether you will need timber bearers or not. But most importantly I have discovered that sheds are bloody expensive!
On to my next endeavour, I finally booked my night away with a girlfriend at a very exclusive hotel where I shall be pampered to within an inch of my life. This is happening in June but already I am planning this major event with microscopic accuracy.
In the afternoon I was pleased to see it was cloudy and damp as the mums organising the renovation of the playground wanted a dull day to photograph the kids looking like orphans from Oliver! It didn’t go quite to plan as we discovered asking kids to look miserable makes them laugh uncontrollably.
After this event, a child in my eldest’s school, I’ll call him Damian, decided to target my son as practice for his evil amusement. Pushing him off the balance beam infront of his mum he immediately pronounced his innocence whilst his mum, as usual, screamed like a banshee at him but actually did nothing about the event. Wiping the tears from my son’s face we angrily left to go to swimming practice where I can again enjoy indoor play with my youngest whilst the other one catches feet and ear infections in the public swimming pool.
Today I was blessed even further to have 2 chavs in the indoor play talking about “Shazza” and “Tray” and then encouraging their darlings to demolish the place. I believe their names were “Paris” and “Kev”.