Sunday, 30 January 2011

Sporting triumphs to climatic endings

Sunday 23rd January
My husband is beaming today.  After coercing my oldest son into playing rugby, one of the rugby coaches, also a famous ex-England rugby player, tells my husband our son is a natural and very good.  If he could, my husband would be wearing a sandwich board citing this wondrous event.
One of the mums helping to organise our renovation of our current run down community playground asked a few of us round to look at the presentation boards.  Feeling like a third wheel and getting bored I started to gossip about the other mums in the school playground.  This went down like a lead balloon so I kept my mouth shut and started sticking pictures of equipment onto white boards as though my life depended on it.  Hopefully my skill with a glue stick outweighed my bitching.
Monday 24th January
In keeping with the sports theme my oldest son had tennis today after school.  I am starting to think I might be a pushy mum.
Being pushy and manipulative seems to be an inherited trait as my youngest, a two year old, managed to negotiate cake out of the nursery staff before he started his lunch.  The amazing part of this story is that there was no cake present, he had remembered it from last week when on every other day there is no cake.  Intelligent and manipulative.  That’s my son!
Wednesday 26th January
Wednesday is never the easiest of days.  To me it is almost like a tease.  The promise that it is now nearly half the week over yet still so early and with lots to do.
This Wednesday proved to be the toughest of them all.  A comedy of errors and a tragedy of circumstances.
1.   When dropping my youngest off at nursery I nearly managed to run over another mother and child who decided to walk behind my car as I was reversing.  Apparently this was my fault and the mother taught her daughter some new words in the English dictionary.
2.   I was dreading today as I was going to sack my cleaner due to being always late for work or not showing up at all, claiming to have spent more than the allotted time to get more money and leaving cobwebs in full view whilst demanding the extra money.  In true fashion, an hour into not turning up I got a cheery text to say she couldn’t make today as something had come up (another cleaning job) and could her best friend (who I have never met) clean the house instead tomorrow.  My reply was curt but civil – “drop the keys off to the house immediately”.  Her reply was just as short – “fuck you”.
3.   Time being short and food needing to be acquired whilst my youngest was at nursery I was hoping to drive to my favourite supermarket.  The diesel lorry on the M25 had other ideas and wanted to cause an accident meaning an emergency resurface job needed to be done closing this part of the M25.  Going to the local dodgy supermarket where you have to insert a £1 to get a trolley their lift wasn’t working so I went back to my car, forced my £1 out of the trolley and went to the local butchers.
4.   On my way to the butchers I was fortunate enough to be behind the oldest known woman driver in history who didn’t like turning right at lights and left me stuck in the middle of the road behind her.  I hooted her to remind her of this and by sheer luck ended up at the same butchers as her.  She has now told me she is a wonderful driver, I threatened her with my dangerous driving and she has taken my registration number and will be reporting me to the police.  This was the third time today I had a cry.  Not bad for 11am.
5.   To end on a high, the rest of my day did not result in any more crying, police threats or being sworn at.  A good end to my humpback Wednesday.

Thursday 27th January
My youngest son and I went to Gambados this morning.  This is a wonderful place for children and a chance for me to meet lots of snobby mothers dying to drink their cup-of-chinos in peace whilst their darling “Anastasia” smacks the living daylights out of another innocent child.

At lunchtime the letterbox made a sound indicating my evil cleaner dropped off the keys.  Hopefully my next cleaner will be a little more reliable. 

Friday 28th January
I am so glad it is Friday, but not half as glad am my friend who has twin boys of 10 months, a lazy fiancé who does nothing and a dog who needs constant attention.  She is frazzled, tired and in need of a lot of help and love.  If only her fiancé knew!