Sunday, 27 February 2011

The Half Term House ... AKA: Bedlam, Harassment and a Jeans model posing as an Area Manager

Monday 21st February
Day 1 in the Half Term House:
My eldest starts his 3 day tennis marathon which of course means drizzly weather. During his attempts to become the next Fred Perry I dragged my youngest son to the playground for a meeting. 
Now at this point you wouldn’t think that a jeans model would turn up for the meeting pretending to be an Area Manager of some playground equipment company so obviously I didn’t have any make up on showing all my blotchy skin, the rain helped my hair look as frizzy as possible and my youngest made it very clear he wanted to jump in every cold puddle going with shoes on.
So by the time the jeans model arrived I was looking very radiant indeed.  Bastard!  Try having a meeting with George Clooney after a fight with your beauty regime which you will lose and feel good about yourself.
On the plus side I was forced to walk in drizzle forever to get my youngest to sleep which was great for my glutes.
Tuesday 22nd February
Day 2 in the Half Term House:
Drizzling again, obviously due to it being half term and my eldest insisting on playing a whole morning of tennis.
In the afternoon I ventured out to M&S to get some food.  Being half term I was amongst good company of harassed mums and screaming children. 
Normally I am smug mother as my youngest will sit happily in the trolley pointing at the items.  But not today.  Today he insisted on walking whilst “helping” me by picking up every glass jar he could find.  My talent to inhale swiftly was at it peak.
At the checkout, after loading all the bags and feeling immensely harassed, it appeared I had forgotten my credit card and all other payment so had to go home empty handed and very embarrassed.  It gave me the chance to cry all the way home and my husband was very sympathetic and kind, “that was stupid!” he said.  My love for him multiplied as I slammed the phone down.
Wednesday 23rd February
Day 3 in the Half Term House:
Would I surprise you in that it rained a lot.
My eldest insisted on playing again today making him drenched but very happy.
I think I am a masochist as I decided to go to Tesco’s.  Fortunately my youngest son was on his medium behaviour only tantruming when I wouldn’t let him throw glass items into the trolley but at least he didn’t refuse to get out and run around knocking everything off the shelves.  A bonus.
The afternoon was spent in the RAF Museum running after the kids telling them not to run and feeling a sense of comradery with the other mums who too looked grateful that it was half the week over with.
Thursday 24th February
Day 4 in the Half Term House:
The rain has stopped and it is sunny outside.  So obviously this meant my eldest insisted on going to an indoor play.  On the plus side the weather made the indoor play very busy rather than extraordinarily busy so you only had to push past fifty children to get what you want rather than sixty.
The afternoon was taken up in the park pushing a tricycle, watching my eldest forget how to ride a bike and look into the dead eyes of all the other mothers who had endured four days of “endless fun”.
Friday 25th February
Day 5 in the Half Term House:
I cannot contain my excitement.  My husband has taken the day off so I am officially no longer dead mum walking. 
We have asked the kids what they want to do and they have insisted on Woburn Safari Park.  A place with about 3 animals and lots of mole hills and for the cheap sum of only £40.
My husband kept reminding me that although it is outrageously expensive, in need of some refurbishing and perhaps another animal or twenty it was worth it to see the children’s faces.
You can tell he has had a break from the kids for a week!
On the plus side even he noticed the harassed mums pointing out that you could tell the mums on their own this week as they looked as though they had lost their souls.
Thank goodness the week is over and it’s back to normality next week.