Saturday I was forced to go to yet another pre-school party which included the usual key ingredients:
- Mums dolled up to the nines trying to outdo eachother in their war paint and heels department
- An entertainer who seemed to believe 4 year olds are very deaf so needed her mic up to 450 decibels inorder to either make their ears bleed or other kids cry
- A lot of 4 year old children running around on sugar, loud entertainment and S Club Seven (the last of which I am happy to dance to)
During the party I was lucky enough to listen in on important conversations such as who's hair looks the best, which holiday to go on next and how little sex they are having with their husbands.
Also there seems to be a trend at the moment not to provide decent nourishment to children such as vegetables or juice. Now it is the thing to give them jam sandwiches, crisps and chocolate as a staple lunch whilst making sure the parents get nothing except for a breadstick and water (sparkling of course). I wouldn't mind but the party was from 12 to 2pm so over the lunch period.
Don't get me wrong (I know I sound so up myself), at my son's party they had pizza but at least there was carrot, tomatoes and cucumber for them to ignore at leisure.
I have decided to go to the next party in a cocktail dress and demand champagne, it may start a trend!
Why would any mum be a class rep?
The job isn't paid, involves trying to pass on valuable information, arrange social events, drum up support for the bloody cake sale and listen to other mums bitching about how they would have done a better job but not actually do it!
I steer clear of my class reps as one is a dodgy geezer bird with an even dodgier geezer "been nicked a few times" husband and the other is a frightening school mum who garners fear wherever she treads - she is also the Pre-School class rep so is obviously a bored housewife and control freak.
This week we have a class rep meeting with the Headmistress and me as Parent Gov'nor.
The headteacher had asked me to write a formal class rep "job spec" as all hell was breaking lose in the school so I thought this would bring harmony. So instead of an anarchistic approach, which has been the norm until now, I opted for a structure of Social class rep and organisation class rep.
I might as well have put on paper that I wanted all class reps dead and their children eaten by a monster.
"We like it as it is" Translation: We like anarchy and doing what the hell we want
"This is too formal" Translation: Because structuring an important role will mean I actually have to do some proper thinking
"Why arrange social things for the class" Translation: I have my clicky group in my class of nasty bitches and we like excluding people.
On the whole it went down quite well considering.
After a typical Monday, stressful morning getting the kids ready for school, working in the morning, stressing out in the afternoon with my 4 year old after pre-school pick up, it was time for school pick up.
But this year my normal pick up is considerably different to the past three years due to nominating myself as a Parent Governor and actually being voted in to do it.
Now this is not a compliment or testament to my fabulous diplomacy (I don't have any), my desire about politics and current affairs (which I do have) or being really liked by the parents at the school (they don't), it's purely because no other mug would do the bloody job!!
On this typical cold Monday 2 parents from Year 5 approached me with a problem and this was it ...
They have tried very hard to arrange a meeting as their daughters are going to a mosque as part of their RE education and they are very very unhappy that their daughters have to cover their heads and are will not allow this to happen.
Now before you gape in astonishment (which i managed not to do but furrowed my brow and looked un-flabbergasted)
They pointed out to me:
- they are not racist and are "fine" with their children going to a Mosque (they are racist and they are not fine)
- they fully embrace all religions and have the utmost respect for all races/religions/colour etc etc (they don't)
- they are happy for their daughters to go to a mosque on the condition they do not have to cover their heads (they are not happy about it and do not respect other cultures)
Have you ever seen Avenue Q? If not I recommend it. There is a song in it called "everyone is a little bit racist" and I firmly believe as a human being we all are. We are all a little fearful of the unknown and this is natural. But I am sick to death of people claiming not to be and being so bloody blatantly so!
I remained very diplomatic, didn't state the bloody obvious and just suggested they note down their issues, arrange a meeting and minute it all to ensure it is all addressed.
I didn't shout "My GOD, you cannot honestly believe what you are saying! I hope you are not poisoning your children with your "non-racist" views!!"
Maybe I am diplomatic afterall.
And for the record, when my son visits the Mosque he will do as is required of him. When in Rome, do as the Romans do whether you like it or not!
