Out and about with the famous & In and around with the commoners

Monday 19th September


It has come to my attention that I live in an area where chatting to the A listers is par for the course.


My day started out like any other Monday, dropping my eldest at school whilst being ignored by the various bitchy mums, popping home to finish clearing up with the help of my 2 year old (no breakages) and being very angry at my broken television.


After clearing away the morning rush I took my son to a toddler gym activity that he goes to every week and was surprised to see quite a few children had joined the class.  This immediately put my nose out of joint due to the fact my child is normally spoilt for attention.  But I needn't have worried.  He was pulling his usual faces and running around like a child on amphetamines.  I was so proud.  Not so proud of a new trick he has where he pulls up his eyebrows whilst saying "look Japanese".  I wonder how long it will be before he is put on the young racist lists that the Government have so helpfully created.


After lunch and a chance to sit in the lounge watching Something Special on my laptop I picked my eldest son up from school.


After getting changed I dropped him off at tennis to find myself confronted by a very famous singer who was also taking her son to tennis.  I am pleased to say I managed to somehow annoy her by breathing and tried in vain to be friendly to redress this issue.  By doing so I managed to look like a groupie desperate for her to acknowledge my presence.  Nice!


At least my email to a Z-list reality celeb and fellow school parent went down well.  I was asking him to attend a Fund Raiser I am holding next year.  


Speaking to a friend whilst my eldest played tennis, we realised we must live in "Mount Pleasant" where your neighbour is a singer, your school friend is a footballer, a parent is a Z-list celeb and the local rugby coach is an ex-England player.  Definitely another dimension.


Tuesday 20th September 


Its funny how one day you are chatting with the creme de la creme, and the next you are waiting in for a brick layer who has decided not to turn up and a tv repair man who is refusing to give me a time any more accurate than between 9am and 5pm.


At 12pm, the TV repair man arrived with his henchmen and proceeded to whistle through his teeth (a sure sign of being ripped off) and wouldn't commit to a further delivery date.  Do you think he is going to steal my TV?


After my run in with the TV repair thief I briefly had lunch followed by a short argument with my husband regarding getting a job or working from home ... ideally that pays.


Oh, the joys of real life only occasionally impaired by my fleeting life as a housewife who rubs shoulders with the elite.

April - The Chocolate Drug and Being a Royal Observer

Thursday 21 April – Maundy Thursday

Half Term is a funny thing.  Once your kids stop their regular activities it gives the body time to adjust and get very very ill.  In my eldest son’s case it is Gastro Enteritis which involves an initial house decoration of vomit and poo followed by more poo and lots of sleep.

Poor thing and to make it harder my youngest is now getting cabin fever and has started to climb the walls, or more specifically me.

Roll on the end of May when I am sunning it in the Med whilst my husband has to run rings around the kids ... ah bliss!

Friday 22 April – Good Friday

Finally my prison sentence has been lifted and my parole officer, Mr Kingston, is off work for a long weekend.

At the same time my eldest is now started to improve.  I just hope he is well enough for Sunday, the biggest day of his life so far and ours for that matter.

Sunday 24 April – Easter Sunday

Today is a very important day in the Kingston household.  Aside from giving my children chocolate poisoning from overeating but my eldest is going to be a mascot at the Saracen’s Rugby Game and will play rugby on the pitch at half time.

At the match the sun was shining and my husband was so proud I thought he was going to have a hernia.

I, of course, was my usual competitive mum screaming from the terraces and watched my son score a couple of cracking tries.

When they came off the pitch I demanded to know the score and then smugly looked on at the 10,000 strong crowd as if to say “Look at my fantastic son”.

I must have taken about 1000 photos to bore people with over the next few days.

Monday 25^th April – Easter Monday

Woken at 5.45am by my youngest.  This as it turns out in the following days is a lie in.  But today this was a killer.

Got woken up again at 6.15am by my eldest saying he wants to do the easter egg hunt straight away.

After forcing my kids to have breakfast whilst i walked outside in my dressing gown and slippers feeling the 6.45am sunshine I managed to hide all the small eggs in the garden.

By 7.21am all the eggs were discovered and the kids were egg-static (sorry couldn’t help it!)

Within another 10 minutes they found the huge easter eggs my sister had left for them which they proceeded to open.

By 8am the kids were on the biggest sugar rush of the century.  They would have been less active had I given them a Class A drug.

By 8.15am Mr Kingston and I were regretting the sugar rush and were praying for the day to end.

It didn’t until 14 hours later when we were nicely tucked up in bed waiting for our early morning wake up.

Friday 29^th April – Royal Wedding

I have been so excited about the wedding, you’d think I was a guest or even the bridesmaid.

My invitations had gone out specifically telling everyone to dress in red, white and blue.  The BBQ was cleaned.  The food was prepared.  The alcohol was plentiful.  Most importantly the bunting was up and the flags ready for waving.

As my guests arrived they congratulated me on my beautiful tiara and we waved our flags as we watched the procession of people arrive.

Obviously I was so jealous of Kate.  How dare she live the dream that millions of us have only imagined.

The dress was stunning, Pippa very graceful and the Abbey beautiful.

After waving our flags and singing the National Anthem we ate our food and drank copious amounts of liquid.

And best of all, I was voted the most regal one at the party, obviously!

Leapfrog Maths Adventure to the Moon DVD

Maths is very popular in my house.  I have a husband with a Masters in mathematics, a six year old who is very keen on multiplication and a two year old who can count up to 14, albeit skipping seven on a regular basis.


I have always tried to make learning fun at home which is not always easy.  With the television, computer and the wii to contend with just trying to get my family's attention is a triumph.


So I was ecstatic to be given a maths DVD for pre-schoolers to review.  Happy but skeptical.


But it seems my skepticism is unfounded.


Both my two and six year olds were glued to the television, watching Leapfrog and his friend Lilly fly a rocket to the moon, reach the stars and meet fun aliens.  All this and on the way they sang songs about counting, skipping numbers and sorting colours and shapes.


My six year old predictably narrated his mathematical prowess during the 30 minute film but I was very pleased to see my two year old engaged in the DVD, not only showing interest but trying to count on his fingers.   And together we shouted the colours when we saw them.


The DVD also offered the chance to watch the film with the lyrics so we could sing to our hearts content.


Whenever you are stuck for ideas to entertain the kids whilst secretly educating them I would highly recommend this DVD.


It will keep the whole family entertained.


To be in with a chance to win one of three DVDs before it's official release on 9th May just answer this question:


What is the name of Leapfrog's friend.  Is it:
A) Lilly
B) Billy
C) Dilly

Talking of poo has got me reminiscing ...

Talking about vomit and poo has got me reminiscing about the good old days when my eldest, now six, was very young and my husband and I had our first "poo conversation".

We've all been there. young, free and single and a married friend with a new baby starts to talk incessantly about the bowel movements of her little darling.  It is then we vow never to have this discussion.  But like all parents vowing never to sound like their sad friends, or worse, their own parents, out it comes, the "poo conversation".

First you talk to each other over a glass of wine and a curry about how proud you were the first time your little one pooed real poo rather than that nasty meconium, then you move onto your friends who are forced to hear about the contents of your little one's nappy.

And to make matters worse, you don't care that your friends are screwing their faces up and turning away.  In fact not only do you not care, but how very dare they imply your child's poo is anything other than wonderful when it should be perceived as gold nuggets.

Now I am a seasoned mum who knows when to keep her mouth shut about the contents of her kids' nappies and pants.  Unless of course they are ill, then the real discussion starts about it ...

Man-flu, a son with real sickness and a wasted week

Saturday 17^th and Sunday 18^th April

This week has felt like a holiday for me as my youngest has been in a kiddie camp every morning with his brother.  So for the first time in two years I have had each morning to myself to do anything I want.  These have included:

·        Putting petrol in the car

·        Food shopping

·        Folding clothes

·        Cleaning the house

·        Studying

·        Replying to community emails

What a bloody waste !

Then the weekend arrived and with that illnesses.  First my husband was complaining of man flu and complained that I wasn’t sympathetic enough to his needs.  I wasn’t.

As my husband started to recover from his mystery illness my son decided to have real sickness which started out as a tiny tummy ache and ended in a decoration of the hall carpet of vomit mixed in with lots of diarrhoea.  Whilst my husband dutifully scraped up the sick and used our carpet cleaner I was delegated to runny poo management, wiping up my son, the clothes, the toilet area and my hands.  This was followed by a couple of hours of “sharting”.  Please see me for a description of this wonderful word.

At least the sun has been shining.